Woman in the Mirror: A Journey From Fearful Shoulder Checks to a Life in Forward Motion

Not too long ago, I stood at a concert with tens of thousands at Rogers Arena, music filling the air, yet I couldn’t even sway in my seat. I was hyper-vigilant, isolated, afraid to be seen. At that time, I was broken, surrounded by people who only valued what I gave, leaving me with nothing. Even that concert, something I did for me, felt like something I had to hide.

This was a time when I did something for myself, I was met with resentment and disdain that I chose a piece of time and money for me.  Those in my life felt that my time and money was owed to them- I had no right to it. There were times I was told, do not talk about your weight loss, your silver smithing ... .and wanting to travel on my terms- forget it. People demanded my dedication to their cause. 

Fast forward two years, I deleted many who treated me like a tool meant for their disposal and threw myself all into Toastmasters.   I was at a district conference for Toastmasters and everything was different. This time, I wasn’t looking over my shoulder; I was fully present. I was able to participate entirely on my terms.  There was nobody telling me what to do, or asking me to speak on their behalf.  There was no guilt or shaming me into organizing something for anyone else.  I simply got to enjoy the experience and take in all the parts with expectations from anyone else. 

Then something amazing happened, I reconnected with someone who once saw me at my lowest and was astonished by my transformation. Toastmasters gave me purpose, like a mission, much like my old role as an officer, approaching people not as a burden but with confidence.

What struck me most was how independent and self-reliant everyone was. If someone needed a ride and couldn’t get one, they simply said, “No problem, I’ll figure it out.” No guilt. No pushing. No emotional pressure. I was used to people leaning heavily on others, using loneliness, helplessness, or crisis to wear people down until they got what they wanted. This was the opposite.

Here, people asked respectfully, accepted the answer, and moved on. They had options. They had resilience. They handled their own lives while still being supportive of others. It was a room full of capable people who wanted success for themselves and also wanted to help others grow. That kind of environment is rare.  There was a time, I believed that this kind of environment was a myth. A fantasy that others were either lying about having for themselves.

At this conference, there was dancing, conversation, laughter, and connection. People were warm and engaging. There were even moments where I knew I was being noticed, but instead of needing validation from it, I simply appreciated that I had the choice. I could pursue attention, or I could focus on why I was there. I chose the conference, the learning, the relationships, and the experience. That may sound small, but it was a huge shift.

Years ago, I would have measured my worth through whether others wanted me, approved of me, or included me. This time, I already belonged because I belonged to myself.

That may be the greatest gift Toastmasters gave me. Yes, it helped me speak better. Yes, it helped me network. Yes, it gave me opportunities to lead, connect, and grow. But more than that, it placed me in a community of people who encouraged confidence, accountability, and personal development.

Public speaking is not for everyone, and Toastmasters may not be everyone’s path. But the deeper lesson is universal: find your community. Find a place where people are growing, where responsibility is normal, where encouragement is real, and where you are challenged to become more than you were yesterday.

Two years ago, I was in a packed arena feeling alone.

Today, I can walk into a room full of strangers and feel connected.

Why?

Because they are like-minded, and this community has the whole package. Learning, development, interpersonal connections, career prospects and support- everything from social to professional.

That is what finding the right community can do. That is what growth looks like. And for me, that journey began with Toastmasters International.

Here is my challenge to you!

Start looking outside of the box you're living in.  Look outside your circle…. Where, who or, what will be the beginning of your shift?  

I promise the person you will see in the mirror will not be what you expect, it will be something so much better than you could have imagined, and lovelies- it is only the beginning if you are brave enough to search for it! 

• Helen